Rantings of a starved Lunatic. You don't have to read this. Its truly pointless.

First blog post in a while.

First blog post with my BlackBerry.

Please be forgiving of any typographical or grammatical errors. Its a small keyboard.

The blessed month of Ramadhan has begun. The gates of Hell are closed. And every single gate of Heaven is open. And the days have become slow & dreary (probably due to both the lack of food & the crappy weather). A great time for reflection.

In my 14+ years in this world, I have seen, heard, and experienced so much, it would awe some. Not many, but some. But, with yin comes yang, and there are plenty of dark sides to my life. But every time I look back at everything (I tend to reflect more on the negative issues, bringing an odd feeling of my heart being shredded. Hmm...), I truly appreciate the small things. The little details, insignificant at the time, become more apparent & important. This, is the stuff my memories are made of.

Recently, I've been spending alot of time with my soon-to-be 71-year old grandmother. And in that time, I've heard so many stories about so many things that I've never had the chance to hear before. Did you know she's actually entertained Princess Diana? There was a story I enjoyed. The thing is, these 'achievements' of hers has put my life into perspective. Those achievements, my family history, my blood... my heritage is stuff of legends, to some (not many, but a few). I've got alot riding on my shoulders, and that's not limited to just my future.

My family tree goes back hundreds of years, showing me & other family members of the pivotal role our ancestors had in the shaping of the Malaysia we know today. My grandmother boasts that our family could have been Malay Royalty, if we wanted. Thankfully, we weren't so power-hungry. Could you imagine me being part of a royal household? Didn't think so.

Anyway, this history that runs through my veins has put an odd pressure on me. You see, I like being someone who tries to achieve the best. I also like the preservation of history. And looking over the years, I have plenty of work set if I want to come anywhere near the achievements my family has made. And I've alot to do if I want to restore the original glory my family once enjoyed.

This is pressure I shouldn't, and have no right to, be bearing. 'You're just a kid,' is something I hear frequently. I know, but why think like one, when thinking forward & upward will lead to greater things?

'Why is it so hard for you to just let go, have fun, and be a kid?'

Because I have better things to do with my time.

I find it so hard to relate to kids of my age group. Its partly because of my upbringing. And partly because of the exposure. I live in a house with adults, no kids. Thus, I was brought up thinking & acting like an adult, because that was all I knew. I don't know how to be a kid. Being a kid is tough for me.

You want proof?

How many kids do you know are thinking about how to make 4-5 figure sums of cash monthly, to cover all sorts of expenses?

How many kids do you know wake up at 3am to do sudden tax calculations?

How many kids do you know come up with very real situations that come up in life, and figure out ways how to overcome them NOW?

.....

Don't ask me why I'm stressed. Don't ask me why I don't reply pointless text messages. Don't ask me why I'm so easily ticked off.

I've got plenty to handle. And I don't appreciate input, thank you very much.